Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
