This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
as a side note pls kill me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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