im six kinds of drunk right now
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
