Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
