I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
