butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
