she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize