i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
