she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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