You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize