The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.