as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
