I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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