Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
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When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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