I feel great
I just peed on a car
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
