dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
