so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
