we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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