happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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