allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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