Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
