I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
