omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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