i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
