I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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