Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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