Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
