Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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