FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
