We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
