he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Rumble strips road head = magical
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
