Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
