i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Quick, to the slutcave!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
