Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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