Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
