If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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