I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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