no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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