Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
