there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
