my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
