this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
