Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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