just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
