i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
