At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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