worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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