I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
