He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
