I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
