Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
