Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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