i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
