I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
