I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
