How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
