it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
