we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
