there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
