you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
