Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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