my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
