I accidentally had phone sex last night
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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