Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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