I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
