I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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