so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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