I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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