Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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