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Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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