Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
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