I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
