Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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